Figuring Everything Out

written/typed

    Your POV

    It’s been a week since Kai saw me after my fight with my step sister and since then he keeps a close eye on me.

    He tries to keep me out of the house as long as possible. He’s also become really protective over me and I’m barely out of his sight I have to sneak off most of the time.

    When I sneak off to practice dance Kai always shows up and he barely pays attention to the mute me much like today.

    I wave to him when he shows up right after I slip out of my small changing area with my hat and mask on.

    “Hi… Did you perfect that move yet?”

    I look at him as I nod my head as I look at him as I write, "but you don’t care about that do you. You’re head hasn’t been in this practice for the last few days.”

    He looks at me shocked, “How did you know that?”

    “You’re not as talkative as usual and your head seems to be somewhere else. What’s wrong?”

    “It’s about this girl that I know. The girl that I told you about when we first met. I found something out about her and I’m not sure what to do about it. Sure, I know that she had issues with her family… but she still put up this big strong front recently it’s been caving in around her and all I want to do is to break that wall down and save her from whatever lies there.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “I mean I’m seeing parts of her that I never thought that I’d ever see. She doesn’t seem to notice how much I worry about her.”

    “You’ve barely been coming here lately and whenever you do you always look like you’re about to bolt out the door any second. Why?”

    “It’s because her family is cruel to her, I’m afraid that I’m going to get a call from her or worse my mother.”

    “Her family sounds terrible? Does she not have anyone else but you?”

    “She has her brothers and I guess the guys.”

    “Then why worry about her so much if you don't’ love her?”

    He stops moving as he looks at me, “Love her?”

    I nod my head.

    “I’m not sure if I do?”

    “Why?”

    “I’m not sure what the feeling would feel like.”

    Kai’s POV

    I watch as her eyes flutter much like Hwayoung would do.

    I look at her deeply in her eyes, “What does it feel like?”

    She seems too start to think hard on the question before she starts to write her answer, “Love is like being sick. There are times when you just want the feeling too go away, but it won’t. Though love does help with your heart. It heals it but it also crush it. Without protecting the love that you hold for someone you worry dearly for them. My sister used to say that when your mind if clouded with someone so much that they are the first thing that you think of when you fall asleep and the first thing on your mind when you wake up. Your stomach fills with uneasiness that makes your chest flutter when you hear just their name.”

    “I feel that way for 2 people then.”

    “Maybe it’s a matter of if you mix the image of the 2 people together.”

    “What?”

    “You feel like the 2 people are 1 in the same. You are really in love with only 1 of them and the other is just an image projected on her because she’s like the other.”

    “How can I tell which 1 of them that I love?”

    She shrugs her shoulder, “I’m not sure completely. Love is odd like that though. The only way to tell is to find out where your feelings lie.”

    “How?”

    Again she shrugs and this time she simply stands up and turns on her music again.

    As she dances I watch as she favors her left leg more than her right almost like she has an old injury that’s acting up.

    She moves a lot like Hwayoung does…

    Figure out where my feelings for the 2 lie.

    How can I do that when I don’t even know who this girl is?

    What if she’s Hwa Young yanking my chain?

    Would I really be mad about it?

    I sigh as I stand up, “Sorry, I need to go home.”

    As I leave she doesn’t make a sound she seems to focus on her dancing a bit more though so she heard me.

    Your POV

    I watch Kai leave the room and soon Tao, Kris, and Chanyeol show up.

    “Are you alright?”

    I look at them as I take off the mask and ask, “What do you mean? I’m alright.”

    Kris sighs as he plops down on the ground and looks at me, “Are you stupid? We can tell something is bothering you what is it?”

    “What can I say if I don’t want to keep this a secret anymore? That I’d rather dance around in the open as me instead of this mute Cinderella, this imposter that tries to be me. This isn’t who I am. I’m not someone who likes to hide, but here I am hiding my dancing skills. In classes I hide my drawing skills with what looks like I’m taking notes. My IQ is that higher than most girls that are my age. I could easily test into a college at this very moment if I wanted too. I hide my looks through hair hanging in my face and over blocky glasses.”

    Kris sighs as he tosses me my small makeup, brush, and clothing bag.

    “Thank you,” I shout to him as I go to my changing area.

    I leave the area in a nice cute outfit on and a small smile on my face.

    “How do I look?”

    They stick up their thumbs, “Amazing. Are you ready to go to the beach today?”

    I nod my head, “Yup. I have everything all packed up all I need to do is pick up my little brother.”

    “Is Eric coming?”

    “Yeah…. He was already taking Nana to the beach today. So he kind of already going to be there…”

    “Yeah, not awkward at all,” Tao mumbles as he lays on the floor.

    “Shut up,” I shout as I kick my tennis shoe at him.

    “Ya!”

    “You deserved it.”

    I look around the room trying to find my notebook that I draw in.

    “Have you seen my journal?”

    “No, not since class a few hours ago… Why?”

    “I can’t find it and I know I had it earlier.”

    “Don’t worry we’ll find it later. This room won’t be worked on for a week.”

    “Really?”

    “Yeah it says so on the schedule on the door down the hall. Let’s leave before the first shift starts.”

    As we leave the room I play with my necklace as I slip it into my sweater.

    As we leave the room my niece runs into my arms and I look at her carefully.

    “Wow, aren’t you beautiful today. Are you excited for the beach?”

    “Yeah, it’ll be my first time going too one.”

    “Really?”

    She nods her head.

    “Well get ready for some fun then… Where is your dad?”

    “He’s outside and sent me to get you.”

    “Ahhhh then we better hurry… Did you guys get your uncle?”

    She nods her head, “Yeah. He’s right behind me.”

    I look over her shoulder too see my brother walking over to us.

    “Nice outfit today. It’s a bit chilly though isn't it?”

    He holds up a simple tan sweatshirt and tells me, “I’m ready for anything. So did you videotape today’s routine?”

    I shake my head, “Too much happened to do so. Can you watch her for a second I need to bother Eric?”

    I exit the building to find my brother-in-law standing there smoking a cigarette

    I shout his name and he simply opens his arms when he sees me, “Hwayoung, what are you up to?”

    “I thought you quit.”

    “I did for a few weeks but when Nana started to ask about her mom I couldn’t help but to start up again.”

    “Eric, do you ever regret that fight you had with Hye Min when she died?”

    He looks at me as he nods his head, “Of course I do. She was my love and here we are trying to act like we’re really brother and sister to hold onto the past. We are trying to hold onto her memory and it’s just slipping through our fingers. Are you asking because you fought with your mother before she died or is it because you fought with Kai?”

    I look away from Eric as I answer him, “Both but I’m worried about how Jongin will act when I tell him the truth: about who I am and who he thinks he loves and how I created her to escape my life to escape my stepmother and sisters.”

    “He’d understand, but if he didn’t he’d come back to you sooner than later because he worries a lot about you. I can tell you this much from watching from afar.”

    I smile as I pull out my locket and show Eric, “I’ll use this to make him believe me when we leave the beach. So it can wait until the weekend is over.”

    “Tell yourself whatever you need to keep that guilt down, but realize that you should tell him before he finds out and he realizes he was in love with an imposter and wonders what’s real and what’s not.”

    Eric passes me and carefully messes with my hair.

    I look at the sky as I play with my locket, “Mother, are you really okay with all of this? Would you say the same as Eric? Should I tell him now before it’s too late? Cinderella had to be found to be saved by her prince after she lost her slipper in the ball...right?”

My locket will be like the slipper hopefully he remembers what it really looks like.

    I guess what I told him works for me as well.